Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Update on Susan's health

What a week we've had.. amazing how drastically your life can change in just a few hours.  It's hard to even put in words... so here's a feeble attempt.

Our whole family is going to the States.  How God worked out plane tickets and the document we needed to leave (looong story) is a miracle and we literally have been in awe of how God has worked out details and provision for our family.  Susan will have tests on Monday the 11th and then surgery is scheduled for Tuesday morning with Dr. Rosendahl.  Please continue to pray that God will give us wisdom and clear direction on the many decisions that need to be made. We did have some very good news today ~ the cancer seems to be contained to the thyroid area and has not spread anywhere else; big praise! 

Also pray for our children as we leave, many tears have already been shed. If nothing else I keep telling myself our children will have learned to be super flexible and live out of a suitcase :)

For myself this experience has opened 'Pandora's Box' so to speak of my secret fears.  When the Dr. told me she thought the cancer was caused from exposure to radiation it was very tough news to take.  I remember 10 years ago being pregnant with Rachel and having this little gnawing fear in the back of my mind 'what if your children get sick or are permanently damaged just because you decided to live in Russia?'  I know the truth that God is all powerful and able to protect.. and yet what about the personal responsibility of every person to care for their children?

I was up early yesterday reading and thinking through things.. I finally got up and walked past Rachel's bedroom, her door was cracked and I heard her happily singing

Here am I Lord, send me
Here am I Lord, send me
I will serve you faithfully, here am I Lord send me

I couldn't breathe for a minute and went back into my bedroom and shut the door.  In that moment I realized how much I had changed over the years without even realizing... I remember singing that song when I was a teenager ~ I mean really signing it not just saying the words.  I remember telling God my life was a blank check and He could do whatever, wherever, whenever.  

But over the years things had changed.. now I more or less was singing 'Here am I Lord, send me only to where it's safe and radiation free and my children will be protected.  Send me where I can still do everything in my own strength and feel confident ~ I'll serve you faithfully as long as it's in my comfort zone and on my terms.'  Things needed to change in my heart - big time.

I kept thinking of the verse in John 17:4 when Jesus is praying in the garden;  "I have glorified You on the earth, I have finished the work which you have given me to do."  How could Jesus say he had finished the work God had given to him when Jesus had yet to die on the cross or raise from the dead??  Could it be the whole battle was won when Jesus was willing to be obedient to what His Father asked of him?  

Could it be that what God looks for in our lives is not the summer camps, the Bible studies, the orphanage visits.. but the very simple fact that when HE directs we obey.  Is that where the battle is won or lost?  Will we make our own decisions or yield ourselves to the one who gave us life in the first place?  Can I say like Mary 'Behold the maidservant of the Lord, let it be to me according to your word " Or like King David 'I will not give unto the Lord that which cost me nothing.'

Well I've gotten all philosophical and wordy on you :)  heh!  But my dearest prayer has been that we will walk through this trial and become more like Christ.  That our kids will see that even when life throws you a curve ball that you never have to fear.  "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."   Thank you again for your love for our family and walking through this test by our side.  Your notes and prayers have been greatly appreciated.  

6 comments:

Living Life in Russia said...

We will be praying for you, Susan! We are in Texas now. If you will be here, we may be able to connect somehow. Keep us updated!

Phyllis said...

Thank you for updating! I've been holding back from writing to you with all kinds of questions. It was good to "hear" your voice in this. I can't even imagine what you're going through, but you "sound" just like yourself in the midst of it. We keep praying. . . .

sethswifeforlife said...

We are praying for you, Susan. Please let me know if there is anything or anyway I can help while you all are in our area.
210-216-8566 or theabster@gmail.com
May God grant you HIS peace in the coming days.
love to you all!

TAB said...

We'll be thinking and praying for you. I can't imagine the upheaval or how hard it would be not to worry... Praying everything goes smoothly and for quick healing.
Brian & Tracey Biddle

Jon'sGreen-EyedGypsy said...

I so needed to hear what you wrote in this post. Thanks so much.

We're praying for you!

Phyllis said...

Still praying constantly! Is there anyone out there who can give us a quick update?

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